Monday, October 8, 2007

Do you have Frenemies?


Why is it that women often have a friend who, at times, they really like and at other times they practically hate? In fact, sometimes it is particularly confusing because you may even be feeling you care about your friend and want good things for her at the SAME time that you really don't want her to do better in any way than you are doing. Therein lies the answer: what seems like hate or ill will is really jealousy, envy and competition. All humans struggle with envy, but women are less comfortable with expressing those feelings vis-à-vis another woman, particularly a friend. Men, on the other hand, will be more honest about their competitive feelings and thereby get it out in the open where it dissipates and is over. Women harbour and try to suppress those feelings, they fester and peek out in the form of feeling really threatened and wanting your friend to do badly in order that you can do ‘better’. Women also tend to invest emotionally heavily in their friendships and are therefore not keen on walking away. The good news is women are more willing to stick it out and be loyal and ride out the bumpy road with a friend. Men are more likely to let a friend go if it has become emotionally difficult. Men’s friendships are often more about shared activities and women’s about shared feelings; if the feelings come with too many complications then a man is more likely to create distance, and this works for him. Women tend to torture themselves and keep trying to find a way to stay together. Knowing it’s pretty normal to feel competitive can help, because it may prevent a lot of guilt. In addition, it is helpful to have different friends and groups of friends so that no one ‘frenemy’ crises can become too frontand-center. It’s not a smooth ride all the way, even if you are friends
(Source :Times of india

Pic source: http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/pju/lowres/pjun2l.jpg)

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Nice post Deepali.

I had read it yesterday and when I saw that article in the TOI today, I came back with an objective to compliment you. But then I saw the footnote and got extremely curious as to how did you manage the article almost a week before it was published?

Deepali Chandra said...

Ashes,
I dont know which edition of TOI you picked. But that article i got from TOI Mumbai edition.

Unknown said...

Oh! I read it in the Bangalore edition; your profile said Bangalore and hence I was all the more surprised.